tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7330514565040708582.post2237758387937542531..comments2019-10-25T21:57:39.701-04:00Comments on Turtle Is A Verb: Getting used to ittuttleturtle42http://www.blogger.com/profile/10200741889496874805noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7330514565040708582.post-87208661497518627692015-10-28T10:43:59.473-04:002015-10-28T10:43:59.473-04:00As a parent, I have to teach my 5 y/0 child to &qu...As a parent, I have to teach my 5 y/0 child to "get used to" being touched. Why? I know it hurts her. I know on a very personal level as it is the same for me to some degree. <br /><br />Not because I deny her experience but because of the reality of the world we live in. If she goes onto a subway she will get bumped. She simply cannot dissolve in tears and become debilitated because she was innocently bumped as an adult one day on her way to a job interview. Frankly, if you go anywhere in public you will get bumped, jostled, brushed against, or otherwise "touched." I cannot tell you how many times she dissolves into outraged tears because so and so hurt her and the touch was both accidental and incidental. The reaction is not to scale with the perceived (by others) injustice. But I am constantly teaching her that she has to get used to it. Because she does if she wants to live in our world and not a bubble.<br /><br /><br />She wants to play soccer. I have explained that a part of soccer is getting bumped into and hit with a ball at times. I have explained that she has a choice... she can either not play or has to get used to the bumping, kicking, and hitting that is an inherent part of sports. I don't deny her experience but explain that sometimes you can't separate the touching from the experience. Therefore she has to choose.<br /><br />I have to teach her that although it hurts her, she will have to choose to get used to it, or not participate in much of the greater world.<br /><br />At the same time, while I am trying to teach her to get used to accidental touching, I am also careful to teach her something even more important... that she has a right to say no to purposeful touching. <br /><br />When I say, "gimme a hug!" I always add, "But only if you want to." Because even though she needs to get used to this incidental and accidental touching, she also is entitled to her own autonomy and agency.cybele727https://www.blogger.com/profile/16336273913991459858noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7330514565040708582.post-90529850023799116362015-10-25T04:30:12.649-04:002015-10-25T04:30:12.649-04:00I am new to the experience of having a child on th...I am new to the experience of having a child on the autism spectrum. I don't understand a lot of what she is going through. She is almost 4. Sometimes she gets overwhelmed and turtles, I try and decode what sent her into her she'll and remove whatever it was that triggered her to hide. If I can't, I try to remove her to somewhere safe, quiet, dark, away from "it all". It is a learning process for the whole family. In my daughter is see reflections of things I did as a child, having difficulty with different experiences and being told I was different, FEELING like I didn't belong and not knowing why. But I think it gives me the ability to relate to her better. She isn't less, she isn't broken, and she does not need to be fixed or cured. She needs the same things everyone needs, to be understood, to be loved, to be accepted for who she is. My daughter is perfect and special and whole and experiences the world in a unique way that I hope I can at least understand enough to help her cope with the unforgiving fast paced society that she is a part of.bailey9971https://www.blogger.com/profile/12734336343573542394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7330514565040708582.post-90832402320955904312015-10-25T04:30:01.309-04:002015-10-25T04:30:01.309-04:00I am new to the experience of having a child on th...I am new to the experience of having a child on the autism spectrum. I don't understand a lot of what she is going through. She is almost 4. Sometimes she gets overwhelmed and turtles, I try and decode what sent her into her she'll and remove whatever it was that triggered her to hide. If I can't, I try to remove her to somewhere safe, quiet, dark, away from "it all". It is a learning process for the whole family. In my daughter is see reflections of things I did as a child, having difficulty with different experiences and being told I was different, FEELING like I didn't belong and not knowing why. But I think it gives me the ability to relate to her better. She isn't less, she isn't broken, and she does not need to be fixed or cured. She needs the same things everyone needs, to be understood, to be loved, to be accepted for who she is. My daughter is perfect and special and whole and experiences the world in a unique way that I hope I can at least understand enough to help her cope with the unforgiving fast paced society that she is a part of.bailey9971https://www.blogger.com/profile/12734336343573542394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7330514565040708582.post-19624833733111921482015-10-10T19:00:32.223-04:002015-10-10T19:00:32.223-04:00I'm not sure I understand the context of this ...I'm not sure I understand the context of this post, but I do understand unwanted touching. I thoroughly dislike my personal space being invaded without my consent or any indication that might be okay. If someone wants to shake my hand, for example, and they are outside a social grouping where it has already been established that is okay and welcome, they should offer their hand to me. Not just reach in and grasp mine.<br /><br />I enjoy touch. For example there are few better feelings for me than the casual social touching of a lover - holding hands, an arm around me and vice versa, hugs, etc.<br /><br />But no one should ever believe they have the right to touch me out of the blue. It is unwanted, disagreeable, and sure to give me an instant negative opinion of you.Wizardlinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03248276997829125124noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7330514565040708582.post-83297581405728456752015-10-10T00:19:25.473-04:002015-10-10T00:19:25.473-04:00That's awful. It's practically a life sent...That's awful. It's practically a life sentence to daily torture.AGMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00310267552045983860noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7330514565040708582.post-6834626991927357992015-10-09T19:16:11.238-04:002015-10-09T19:16:11.238-04:00Our assailants are often our parents, guardians, c...Our assailants are often our parents, guardians, caregivers, staff, and teachers. Sometimes this is in a situation where we legally don't exist, and our assailant has all of our legal rights. So Citizen's arrest? would be marked as a behavior, and increase the power our assailants have over us. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01574526958190180906noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7330514565040708582.post-48156454726752810562015-10-09T13:48:28.292-04:002015-10-09T13:48:28.292-04:00I understand that you and others might not want to...I understand that you and others might not want to use the option of putting your assailant under citizen's arrest for assault and battery. But I might want to use that option. Assuming I have at least two or three witnesses who say they won't lie under oath to protect the assailant, under what circumstances should I consider *not* putting someone under citizen's arrest? In addition to the legal requirement of having enough evidence to win a lawsuit for false arrest, and potential legal ramifications of using force to help someone else perform a citizen's arrest (any lawyers reading this?), I'm also interested in nonlegal considerations.AGMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00310267552045983860noreply@blogger.com