Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Communication difficulties

It's getting harder to communicate. I don't know how much is my meds, how much is stress, but its getting harder to communicate.

It's harder to find words that I'm looking for. I end up rambling trying to find what I'm trying to say. My sentences are ending up long winded and harder to follow.

Jonored is finding it hard to understand my speech patterns now, because of the stop and go patterns, combined with the sentences getting longer. Sometimes they get too long to keep a single sentence in his head at once, unless I stop and plan the entire thing out before I start speaking.

At the same time as this, a lot more frequently, its just feeling not quite natural to speak, and at times to communicate by words at all. If I actually think about it in these states its not even hard, it just, doesn't feel right.

The part that's actually getting to me, is the fact that its getting harder to write too. I will go and have ideas and I'll want to put them down, and I can't get them out of my head. They feel trapped, making me feel trapped.

I think its a combination of both. I'm trying to figure out ways to compensate. The topamax is helping with my headaches, but when we went from 100 mg to 150 mg a day the side effects jumped drastically. At the same time, my stress level, and the amount of stress I'm around is possibly making that worse. I don't know. Jonored and I are talking about me asking about reducing my med dosage back to 100 mg when I see my neurologist again, because this is getting really hard on both of us. Maybe as I'm on this dosage longer it'll get easier? It's been a while though.

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