It's a false choice, I'm given. Or a real choice, but false accessibility.
A choice, pushing as much guilt onto me as possible. Trying to push responsibility onto me. Trying to force yourselves not to be accountable for any of your actions.
A false set-up. Making it so that thing can be okay for me or those I care about. Never both. And I have to choose.
That's what the people who are supposed to help us do. That's a situation I've been put in so many times I don't even think twice about it happening. Things being acceptable for me necessarily hurts others. If I'm safe, others fail. If I'm stable, others are are abused. If I'm given a chance to be healthy, then others aren't given a chance at a high-school education.
I'm given the choice. Myself or them. This false dichotomy. This "but we can't have a disabled person teach". This "but there's no way we could accommodate you". This it's My Fault if I say there are things I can't do for my own safety, but it's not anyone else's if they won't support me in ways they're required to do.
But you know what?
They're wrong. And this choice is wrong.
It's wrong because they're wrong in putting me in this situation. And it's wrong because we break it, beating them at their game of trying to force me out.
Instead my students do everything they can to accommodate me.
The adults treat scented products as more important than my presence in a room. They ignore me, insult me, and expect me to be someone I'm not.
But my students, they pay attention, and choose to help. They've recognize that my needs aren't always the same, and go so far as learn to recognize my external signs of when I might need help. I've gotten questions of what helps, and changes to the classroom based on what they know helps them in order to try to make it easier on me. Help with sensory, and executive functioning, and physical, and emotional have just been given out, as if they're not accommodations, they're the basics of how to interact, person to person.
This me or them? This is a false dichotomy. That I have to give myself up for them, or to let them fail.
This is children doing the jobs of those who are paid to help people like me.
Disabled people supporting disabled people, while we're not simply failed, but obstructed and damaged, by those who claim to help.