You, yes you, deserve accommodations

You, yes you, deserve accommodations.

Deserve isn't the right word really. But you say you don't deserve them. So no, you do deserve them.

Accommodations aren't about being deserved or not. They're not about you being "worthy" of what you need. They're not about you being good enough. You don't deserve accommodations because have the right to accommodations. No matter how much you think that you're not disabled enough. No matter how much you compare yourself to others. You, yes you, should get every accommodation you need.

You've been taught your entire life that accommodations are for the weak. That you're giving up. That you just need to try harder. No, this is for you. This is making things equal. You aren't weak for asking for, for taking, what you need. You are strong for being a disabled person living disabled, demanding that we do not need to just try harder when there is no harder to try. You are strong for finding what the things are that mean you can do what you want to do. You are powerful. Accommodations are not weak.

You've been taught your entire life that you aren't disabled enough. To compare yourself to others. But what about those people. You aren't them, don't need the help they need. You're either taught that you're better than them, or that you're taking from them for requesting accommodations. But, you're disabled too. You can live you life as who you are, instead of trying to pretend you are abled, trying, fighting, failing. You aren't better than others, because of what help you need being different, but you can find the help you do need. You can ask, you can get those accommodations. You aren't stealing from others by getting what you need. There's not a limited supply of accommodations where once they're used up they're gone. People making the world more safe, more accepting, more accommodating, is helpful, not harmful.

You are disabled enough. You don't need to look at others and say that because you can do things others can't, you need to try harder, you need to do more. You don't need to fight to do everything always. You are disabled enough. Everyone needs help sometimes, and everyone needs to turn to others. And you can say, I can't do this. And you can say, just give me this accommodation. You, yes you, deserve accommodations.

You hear the messages of how inspiring this person or that person is. Of how much everyone does. Of how great people are. You hear the messages of how hard you need to work. If you just try a little harder.

But, you can say, let me be me. This isn't for me.

And you can have accommodations.

You hear the messages of who you are supposed to be in other people's eyes.

But who you are doesn't change.

And you, yes, you, can, and should, still request accommodations.

Your child is a child

Your child is a child

Want to hear that again?

Your autistic child. Your disabled child. Your child, who you are scared about, who you hear all of this fear mongering speech about. Is a child.

You're confused. You're scared. You don't know what to do. That's fine. But your kid is a kid. Your kid needs to be a kid, because they are a kid. Autism doesn't take away their childhood. Autism doesn't make your 5 year old not a 5 year old. Autism doesn't mean your teenager isn't a teenager. Your child is a child.

What's happening. Where do you turn. Stop, and think, and let yourself calm down. Because what your kid needs is to be loved, like a child. To be respected, like a child, to be parented, like a child.

Your child is growing and learning and an amazing being, who is themselves, their own unique being. And you don't have all the answers, because you don't know anyone else who's child has all the same needs and interests and ways of interacting with the world as yours does. But all children grow and learn. Autism doesn't change that. Autism doesn't mean your child won't grow up and be an adult.

And when you need to ask questions, you can say, my child is autistic, how does that apply, because lets find the ways to make this world less awful for someone like them, lets find the ways to teach how to advocate, lets find the ways to be, and love who you are in such a world. And at the same time you can say, my child is a child. They will babble, they will question and learn their body as their body grows, they will question you and push boundaries. They will be their own unique amazing being who's growing into an adult and finding their way.

And that means yes, your child is disabled, and you can't ignore that, don't make your child grow up unsupported and unaware. It means yes, your child is autistic, and having the resources of autistic adults in particular can be very valuable. But it also means simply, your child will grow up because right now they are young, and they won't be young forever.

Autistic children grow into autistic adults. We don't stay children forever. We grow, we learn. We are, we exist. Your child will grow up. Don't forget that.

"At least it's not worse"

"Oh but you're safe here", "it's not like anything could actually happen to you", "at least most people are supportive"; being told others know my reality more than I do is just yet another day-to-day thing. Being told that things that have happened to me, do happen to, that I need to prepare to happen to me every time I go and do anything because of how unsafe the world is, could never happen, is just more of the my story - someone who cannot know what is or is not safe, because Things Are Worse For Others.

"It's not like it's dangerous here, in this place", this place where I've been repeatedly threatened for being disabled, for being queer, for existing. This place where you are telling me of course there's no danger, but where I've had people do whatever they can to purposefully trigger my disabilities, threaten me physically and emotionally, refuse my accommodations and scream in my face that I cannot be, make me fear if I'm alone. It's not dangerous, because you don't see the dangers. It's not dangerous because you want here to be safe. It's not dangerous because I've found a way through.

"Everyone here is supportive", in a room with people who have abused me. Memories washing over me every time it's said. Needing to run, but unable to, because that would be even less safe, with people knowing how other I am, how I am the one who was hurt, I am the one who isn't safe there. But everyone is supportive. I just need to pretend. Because you want your safety, your friendship, your reality without the pain of life.

I just make it up. I'm not really in danger. I've not really been hurt. I don't really have any reason to be afraid. None of the people you care about have done anything to me. Because my experiences shouldn't exist. Your reality of everything is great. Everything is friendly, and awesome here is more important than what has happened and is happening to people like me.

"At least it's not worse." But my experiences aren't real to you. And I know that. I always know that. And the gaslighting continues whenever I interact. And you, you're everyone. Because I'm someone who just is yet another person who doesn't really exist in your reality. I am not important enough. I just exaggerate, I just fake. I just...

I should should be happy to be alive.

Because it's not like I matter to you anyways.

Oh but I'm safe here, in this place, where my experiences aren't believed, where my reality isn't believed, where I'm told I'm not real. I'm safe, because I'm told I am. I'm safe, because you want me to be. I'm safe, because there's no alternative.

Except the reality of knowing who I am.