My AAC isn't either or

I type to communicate. The most natural way for me to communicate my thoughts is through a qwerty keyboard. I can say things I can't in any way through the keyboard of my laptop.

I rely on symbol based AAC.

It's not a typing or symbols, its not the keyboard or pre-written phrases. It's the reality that I can't always communicate in the same way. It's the recognition that options are what gives me the ability to communicate in a wider variety of situations, and what makes me safe.

It's me choosing what I need to in the moment.

I see so many things about typing vs symbols, spelling vs talkers, literacy and AAC, freedom to communicate whatever you want.

If I can't get across the basic necessitites to get the care I need in a medical emergency, then it doesn't matter whether or not I can write poetry on that device, because what matters is survival. (Yet, poetry made from the things that we say to survive is its own poetry.)

I find the keyboard the most freeing, the easiest, the way that I want to use by choice when all else is equal, because it lets me get things across without fighting my bodymind.

And when all else is equal is not a thing which should be assumed to be true.

Things are not always the same, whether its the rain pouring down, whether that's people taking my AAC device from me and screaming at me for not knowing how to reply, whether its being in a pool, whether its crashing into crisis and not being able to coherently type the symptoms going on in my own body.

The situations of life are so extremely varied, and my AAC represents that. It's not this or that, its this and that. It's this and all of that, for all of the situations that I interact with. Because I'm not gonna assume everything is the same. 'Cause its not.

I rely on symbol based AAC. My bodymind isn't reliably the same with chronic illnesses affecting it differently day to day. What works best now might be different next hour. What works best is what works best right now, even when best is the limiting option of only able to say enough to keep myself alive.

But, while for me it comes down to typing is what I prefer and symbols are what I need in order to communicate due to chronic illness flares, it isn't that one or the other is better than the other, its that they both are used in the ways they are, when they are. They're set up for those purposes. They're set up for how I need them. They're not something thrown together like communication is one size fits all. 'Cause its not. It's far too complexly human for that.

And so I type, and I use symbols, and I use high tech, and I use low tech. I set up a variety of choices. And I do this for multiple reasons I don't have One Diagnosis that is why I use AAC. I don't use AAC for only motor skills reasons, or for only cognitive reasons, or for some secret third reason (such as anxiety) that people ignore. What we use, how we use it, why we use it, when we use it, all of it isn't either or.

I type for cognitive reasons and use symbol based AAC for motor reasons.

Because I do both. I use AAC for both cognitive and motor reasons. I use AAC for chronic illnesses that flare and stabilize, and for my baseline. I use AAC because its what works for me.

I use AAC because I want to.

But its not something simple like you type when its motor based and use symbols when its cognitive based. For me its always both motor and cognitive. And while typing is what is easiest for my baseline motor skills, with the predictability and reliability of how my keyboard moves under my hands, when I flare and am having difficulty hitting any button reliably, its symbols that are what are gonna be more effective at getting a message across in the amount of time that is necessary to say something.

And similarly, typing is lower cognitive effort for me, its for cognitive reasons that typing with predictive text is the thing that fits me best if you give me an on-screen keyboard. Doesn't change the aphasia that means that I need stepped through what I might want to say because I can't remember anything besides the word dishwasher.

It's not typing is this symbols is that, its not I use it for this reason or that reason. My AAC isn't either or. It's both and. It's all of me not parts of me. It's complex and additive and lets keep finding things to fit in missing pieces.

'Cause there are some. I find them all the time. And I find ways to add. I find what's missing. Since its yet another and that's missing. It's another way to use AAC, another reason to use it, another situation I didn't plan for, another combination of events that lead to things being hard to use. There's no one solution that fits everything. It's about making a toolset that fits me.

It's about making that tool set which includes the recognition that AAC always helps me but I could usually force some degree of speech if really required and I ignored how much it cost me, and there are times that no matter what I couldn't force speech. It's about making a tool set that recognizes that usually selecting buttons on a screen is just fine, and sometimes its just not possible. It's about making a tool set that recognizes that usually typing messages like this is what I want to do, and sometimes getting across a word or two to a communication partner who explains is the best that's gonna happen. It's the tool set the recognizes that AAC is both something I always need, and sometimes the things I need from it are situational.

It's setting up with an iPad and android tablet, high tech and low tech, choices strewn around so there's multiple within reach at any moment. It's not the you restrictions of either or, but the freedom of possibilities and choice and freedom to be able to communicate in autonomous ways.

And when that's AAC its AAC. When its something else, its something else. Because I'm gonna set up for having at minimum three different AAC methods on me at all moments, and if I speak there's nothing more or less valuable about that speech than anything I type. If I sign, there's nothing more or less valuable about signing. If my cat jumping into my arms and screaming is what makes you realize that I need assistance with an acute medical situation, then that's a great way to have my cat act as a communication partner.

Because none of this is either or. Either or is limiting and restrictive. It says i have to be one way, when I'm so much more than one label. I have things I'm great at and things I need help with. I have thins I like and things I hate. I have things that are easier, things that are harder, things I choose and things I avoid. I make choices. I communicate and communicate in ways that I myself, am in control of. I care about people and people care about me, I interact with them, and they interact with me. And none of it is as simple as either or.

None of it I must do this or must do that. None of it has to apply to a label of your choosing. It doesn't fit within the labels you try to stick onto me. None of it has to be because of this, caused by that, related to this diagnosis. None of it requires these interventions to fix. None of it requires anything others declare about me.

I don't fit in your boxes and if people fit there then great, but those boxes when they're being used to apply and force and restrict like they so often are is only removing ways for us to thrive as people. They're removing our humanity.

Saying we're Only this and Have to do that and AAC Must be used in this way because of Exactly This is saying I can't be human enough to be weird and wobbly.

And I'm rigid and fluid, a creature who swims through the sea and lives on land, from beyond boundaries and in liminal spaces, and who's communication fits me, not anyone besides who I am.