Tuesday, October 22, 2013


I was hiking in the woods the other day, and the only thing I could think about was wandering. And what it feels like when you're wandering. And I can't really explain it, but I think it makes more sense to me now than it did before. At least, for one sort of wandering.

I think its about being, and existing, and about things just being right. And things don't matter anymore. And visual processing decreases because putting in the effort to process vision is just unnecessary. You just are. It's a sort of zen. Except, its a sort of zen that isn't necessarily safe and that others don't like because there's not control of it.

But its about just now, going and walking, and that being what to do, and you're there, you're with the world, the world is interesting, and society, society is gone for now, you don't have to hear the people, you don't have to deal with all of that, its okay, its a break, its just okay for now.

Whether its actually okay, that's a question, because wandering is dangerous. Going places because they're where to go, without thinking, and without processing, and not knowing where you are after, that can be a problem. Being drawn to water, can be incredibly dangerous. But, ignoring all of that and just going into the mental state, its that, its the getting rid of society, and just being okay for right now and just being okay walking and doing and being.

It's being at a lower level, where doing is doing, instead of being trapped in a mind where you have to analyse and figure out and predict and solve and react to everything and that's just hard and gets exhausting and to be too much. It's an escape, but its not running, its just letting go. It's not thinking, because thinking is what you always do. It's a break from thinking. It's a break from being external because that's what you have to be, and now instead you just are without the thought that needs to rule normal life.

And thoughts wander, and you wander, and you are. And its meditative. And you might not understand that you're not supposed to do things, because that's not what its about. Maybe you walk an extra mile down the wrong path. Maybe you forget that you're not supposed to go to the river on the other side of the highway and down a steep hill. Maybe you can't remember the moves to the dance even while you're dancing it. But, in that state, its saying, none of these things you struggle with so constantly matter, you just are. You just walk. You just are one with the world and on you go.

At least, that's what it feels like to me. I don't know how accurate this is to others. I've found that I can control this in me mostly, where I don't let go unless I'm in a safe place to do so, but if I don't get that, then my functioning is reduced. I didn't realize this until recently though.

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