My survival kit

People have wondered, what are your tools for getting through the day? I carry things with me always, with more at home, so that I can cope. What I use varies on my situation, what I need varies on my situation, but I always make sure to have things available, because need frequently occurs.

I carry my backpack with me almost always. This is because its filled with tools that I need to assume I'll need except in unusual situations, and can be really awkward to swap stuff around for carrying things in alternate ways. When I need to assume I need everything, carrying a backpack is basically a necessity. When I'm not carrying my backpack its because I've pulled some of these things out, and also have a human there to assist me who knows how to if it is necessary to. I don't want to rely on my boyfriend if it is not necessary to though, so unless it is a minimal risk situation and he is there, I'm bringing my backpack.

Backpack's default set of items:

• Medication: prescription meds and supplements organized in a 4x a day weekly pill box, OTC things in my keychain, migraine abortatives, medication is necessary to always have available with me, and organized where it is needed rather than just thrown into my backpack and expected for me to figure it out when its necessary

• Earplugs: Noises are too loud and overwhelming. Earplugs are itchy and problematic, but laying hearing protection is sometimes necessary to survive without feeling like I'll explode. Also, I carry them on my keychain, so if I need to just pull my keys and wallet, I'll still have something to help reduce sensory input.
• Earmuffs/Ear defenders/whatever you want to call them: Primary hearing protection, I use earmuffs despite them being more visible, because they don't itch inside my ears. Sounds are too loud, too painful, mess with my balance...No matter how much hearing protection I use they're still easily understandable, but sometimes its no so overwhelming when I'm using it, and worth the discomfort of wearing things that do something like squeeze my head.
• (Folding) Long cane (also referred to as a white cane, though mine isn't white): Being able to always process vision isn't something I can do. How well I can understand what I see varies drastically, and how much it costs to go through that process of decoding what it means varies drastically. When it is more costly, or when no matter what I do I either am running on a few seconds delay for vision, extreme tunnel vision, or simply seeing but not understanding, I implement (more) strategies used by blind people. It allows me to use my mental power for things other than attempting to navigate the world by sight when sight isn't working with me.
• Folding balance cane: My migraines come with bad vertigo at times. I vary from being able not being able to walk with my cane, to running up mountains which require awkward navigation. I plan for both. Sensory overload, migraines, vertigo setting in, my body might feel itself or the world moving, my leg might spasm and tense up, not wanting to work without being in pain. Whatever it is, I'll not be limited, so I'll move with things that I carry instead.

• Tangle Jr: Such a useful stim toy! I carry the one which is covered by a squishy rubbery material, I don't remember what its called. So many reasons to want to pull out a toy and such a useful one to have
• Rite in the Rain notebooks: Because my hands hurt when touching normal paper. They feel like the sound of nails on a chalkboard. I can't handle it, and it makes me want to bite myself, though I rarely follow through with the urge. Having paper that is coated for waterproofing changes the texture enough that it doesn't hurt anymore! And they're waterproof paper too which is awesome.
• Compression gloves: My hands are the most reactive to everything texture, and frequently hurt. Showers hurt them badly. Sometimes simply the air hurts them. Compression gloves help, though don't get rid of it completely, so I wear them when it gets bad. They make it harder to do things, and make me prone to losing my medical alert bracelet, so I try to limit it to necessity, but when necessary, its the difference between being able to concentrate at all, and all my focus being on "my hands hurt".
• Altoids: PEPPERMINT
• the heaviest drafting pencil the stationary store had: Heavier pencil makes my handwriting so much neater, and makes it so much more comfortable to write.
• Kindle: Always have something to turn to! I always can go to any of my books. I don't need to read paper books. I can always turn to my books no matter where I am or what I'm doing!

Other tools:

• Smartphone/tablet (7"): I use both my phone and tablet (both android) heavily. I have communication apps, stimming apps, executive functioning apps. I use alarms to help me organize my day, complete with different sounds for different things. Having a computer on me always has been a thing I've relied on, but with smartphones I've been capable of swapping to just having my phone, though my laptop is very important to me.
• Tinted lenses: I wear greyish blue tinted lenses in order to help with visual processing. They help with having fewer visual distortions, fewer headaches, better depth perception, and generally, better visual processing.
• Medical alert bracelet: I'm always wearing a medical alert bracelet that tells people about my migraines, autism, and medication allergies. I've needed to use it before to communicate to people on my behalf.
• Compression shirts: Compression shirts are very useful for deep pressure that you wear on your body and carry with you always. Wearing them under whatever you'd wear that day for clothing, just works well. For extra compression, breast binders work well but some people would prefer not to use such a thing.
• Weighted blanket: I spend most my time at home under my weighted blanket, despite some people saying this is a bad idea. Without my weighted blanket I struggle with understanding where I am in space. With it, I can think clearer, and am more aware of how things are supposed to be, rather than the weird feelings of wrongness that exist in my limbs.
• Weighted vest: While the weighted vest doesn't work as well as the weighted blanket, it is a useful tool to add when going in public along with the compression shirts.
• Vibram Five Fingers: We have a theme here on the propioception impairments...Using minimalist shoes means that despite propioception impairments, I don't have issues with things like constantly spraining my ankle anymore! I'm able to use touch - feeling the ground beneath my feet - in order to adapt for the fact that my propioception is impaired.
• Peppermint oil mixture: I carry this in my backpack if I have a choice, but at the moment its in a bottle where the lid might get broken :(. A mixture of 50% peppermint oil/50% everclear, its useful for so many things! Topically its a good muscle relaxant. It's a strong peppermint oil, so it can be added to drinks, for peppermint flavoring, dealing with the fact that I can't drink water straight. The fact that I seek peppermint also has great benefits with such a mixture...
• My swing: I have a swing in my bedroom! It's awesome. It's an egg-swing I describe it as. Whether I'm actively swinging, just sitting in it hanging from it rather than sitting on something stationary, it is calming, and gives me a different sort of sensory input than not being in my swing does.
• My cat: She does so much for me. She's my ESA, my migraine alert cat, just my cat. She could easily be a service cat if I lived somewhere where I could have a public access service cat. I can't read my own emotions, but she can, and I can read hers, reading them off of her. She leads me away from situations when I'm getting overwhelmed. She helps with meltdowns. She alerts to migraines. She is too smart of a cat, and the perfect cat for me, doing so much for me.
• My cloak: In the winter, or fall or spring really, I wear a cloak for a coat. It's like a portable blanket! As well as all the other benefits of wearing a cloak (really, they're just better in so many ways), I get the feeling of wrapped up like I do in a blanket, and can use it like a blanket in public. When I prefer to wrap up in a blanket so strongly, this is so useful.
• Cefaly: This is an incredibly useful and incredibly interesting device. It's frequently referred to on the internet as a space crown or a space tiara. It's a device you wear on your forehead, have do electrotherapy for 20 minutes a day, and it reduces the number of migraines you have. Also, if you wear it during a migraine it can reduce the severity or even get rid of the migraine! It's really awesome, and my favorite part of my migraine treatment.

Other sensory things that I'm not currently using as much

• Brush for Wilbarger's brushing protocol: This protocol has been very useful! I still have brushes for "tune ups", though I don't do so frequently, just because of being out of habit. It's useful to have for when I need and remember, even if being out of habit makes it hard to use every time I'd prefer to. And the protocol was drastically useful when I went through the protocol.
• CDs and Headphones for Therapeutic Listening: Similar to Wilbarger's Brushing Protocol, I went through this program, and use these for tune ups now when I'm most sensorily in need. In these one's case it has more to do with when I have the time to be spending 20 minutes no doing anything mentally stimulating, and not moving (because while you're allowed to move around during the program, my body cannot handle moving at all).
• Theraputty: Great stim toy, even better for strengthening wrists when you've injured yourself stimming. I have the set of 6 different colors and will work my way up to the second to strongest from usually the second to weakest if I've done something like bothered my wrist. Otherwise, I like the second or third to strongest to play with.
• More stim toys: Description unnecessary in my opinion.
• Noise cancelling headphones: Really useful to have some proper noise cancelling headphones, but it requires having good noise to play with them. Wrong noises and I can't focus on what I want to focus on.
• Respro Mask: I have an activated charcoal/HEPA combo filter mask, for dealing with smells, how toxic the air is, etc. It used to be one of my commonly used items and always in my backpack. The issue is that my face is too small for it now :( and in order to get a smaller one I need to buy both a more expensive mask and a filter that isn't the filter it originally comes with so I keep forgetting to order it.

Plus, on top of my tools, I have many coping strategies that are internal. I have taught myself how to use sensory information that isn't the "expected" one for a situation. I will visibly stim. I will use things like walking following lines, with my hand on the wall, or feeling where the grass is and where the sidewalk is. I've taught myself how to turn off processing for senses at will, allowing me to not be overloaded by them, or to be more easily able to process other senses, or other ability (such as speech). I've taught myself how to alternate necessary skills, in order to get through a situation, when I should need all of them, but can't do all of them simultaneously, by turning off everything that isn't completely necessary; keeping myself balancing, walking, seeing, speaking, in turn.

I have lots of skills, lots of tools, and use them. Because I know I am impaired, but I want to do things anyways. If that means doing them in odd ways, where I end up exhausted, dependent, and in pain, I'll do them anyways, because I'm going to choose at times its worth it and know how to do it when it is worth it.

Snippets of trying to explain hypersensitivities

I've been trying to try to explain hypersensitivities (and SPD and sensory issues in general but usually its hypersensitivities), pretty frequently now. I've been ending up putting together snippets from explanations that I give to people trying to understand their children, thinking that they'd be good to share. I hope to repetitively do this, but have no clue if I'll actually do so. Also, this is good to refer back to either way.

The sound of nails on a chalkboard, the wrongness of it combined with some sort of pain, that penetrates deep into you, take that feeling, and extend it, take it so that it doesn't just happen with nails on a chalkboard, it doesn't just happen with sounds. It might happen if someone touches you, or if the wind blows wrong. It might happen when you get your nails clipped. It might happen when you hear certain voices, even ones that are popular singing voices.

Things are just so much you can't understand it. Lights so bright you can't see. Streetlights, the sun when its setting, headlights on low, they are so much light that that's all it is, is light. It's meaningless. Everything around is also meaningless. It becomes overwashed by light-light-light. That's all there is. Noises so loud you can't understand them. Even single noises become hard to identify at times. When they combine, multiple noises at the same time, you drown in a cacophany, whether its voices, sirens, or something as simple as a clock ticking.

You notice it all. The feeling of your clothes, all the little details down to the seam in your socks and how its not sitting straight, and how one shoe is tighter than the other shoe, the texture chair you're sitting on through your clothes. You hear the clock ticking, the fan, the cars outside, the voices in the room next door, the steps of people walking, and the creaking of the floor. There's the smells of each of the people, any perfumes, any smoke, what they washed with, as well as the smells of what the place was cleaned with. You notice it all. And then, after noticing it, it doesn't stop. You don't stop noticing it. Don't get used to it. At the end of the day you're still feeling your shoe, and how it is the wrong tightness. At the end of a meeting, you're still hearing the clock ticking, even if you've been trying to listen to someone talking the entire time. It's still all there. You don't habituate either.

There are thing's flying at you from all sides, and you're trying to catch enough to make sense of them. It's a bombardment. Except, everyone around you is denying its a bombardment, and frequently making it worse, after denying it. Eventually, you're hit too many times, and you can't keep catching them. You fall. You try to regroup, and get backup, but people are just telling you that its not happening still, while you're trying to get back together, even without their support. Meltdowns occur, shutdowns where you lose abilities to do things occur, but you just keep going, and people still don't listen.

Things actually hurt. They're not just "overfeeling", its actually to the point of pain. Sometimes its like the wrongness like I mentioned before, but sometimes, its more general. Sounds similar to getting punched, for example. Of course people deny you can even feel some of these things that cause pain because they can't feel them. But...that doesn't make them hurt any less.

Sensory Processing Disorder

It has really started to appear that people think of sensory processing disorder specifically as a disorder of hypersensitivities. While it is true that hypersensitivities are a part of SPD, they are far from the whole disorder. If you only have hypersensitive senses, you would not fall into the majority of those diagnosed with SPD, or even diagnosed with a sensory modulation disorder.

So, what is a sensory modulation disorder? Those are the cases that you'd probably think of first. Someone's senses are too sensitive. Someone's senses are not sensitive enough. Someone's senses no matter how sensitive they are always needing more input or they just feel wrong and out of their body. These people's bodies don't get the proper amount of sensory input, whether its too much, too little, or just the wrong sort.

All of three of these categories exist here. People with hypersensitive senses exist, and get diagnosed with SPD. These people are getting too much in those senses. It is overwhelming, painful, too much. These are the people who cover their ears when any sort of noise is made, or even start screaming, because its too painful to hear the other noise. They're the people who cut out tags from clothing and otherwise can't wear them. They're the people who the world is too much for.

People with hyposensitive senses exist. These people don't get enough, their bodies don't react with the level of sensory input the world gives them. They might not react to pain, and injure themselves worse because they don't realize they're hurt. They might not be wake-up-able in the morning no matter how loud of an alarm clock you give them, despite the fact that they can hear.

People who just need more sensory information exist. These people seek it out. They crave it. No matter how much you give them, they need more, more, more. They run into things, bouncing off them, and seem made of rubber, as they run off in the other direction, happy. They add the spiciest of hot sauces to every food they eat. They spin whenever given the opportunity too. They always want more.

These three basic kinds of modulation disorders; the hypersensitive, the hyposensitive, and the seeker, are straightfoward. But people aren't that straightforward. What about the person who always wants to spin but any noise they hear hurts their ears? Or the person who doesn't recognize when their name is called, wants squeezed tightly always, and seeing any sort of lights they start getting headaches? People don't always fall neatly into one category. People actually usually don't fall neatly into one category. More people fall into more than one of these three categories than only one.

To make this more complicated, as well as hypersensitive touch, and hyposensitive smell, for example. It is possible to have multiple of these in the same sense. Some items are extremely painful, others are actively seeked out is a common method of this occurring, but it doesn't have to be that simple. It can be "this touch hurts because its too much, but I crave it because without it I don't feel like I know where my body exists", or pretty much any combination you can imagine. They can occur in the same sense at different times, about different items, or at the same time, about the same items. It can present in extremely complicated ways.

However, modulation disorders aren't the only part of SPD. They're the most known type, and the most common type, but, definitely not the only type. Difficulties with discrimination between sensory input, and motor planning difficulties because of improper sensory data also occur.

Sensory discrimination disorder is, I'd guess, the least known part of sensory processing disorder, but a part that can lead to some severe impairments. It's rather getting the wrong amount of information, getting jumbled information. It's not being able to identify what direction sounds are coming from; it's seeing items as the wrong size and the wrong distance away. It's not being able to actually trust what you're sensing because it may or may not be actually true, or not being able to identify what it is that you are sensing.

Sensory discrimination disorder is about not being able to sort out information, not being able to understand the information. It can be extremely difficult to be able to understand what it is like to have this without having it because its so strange to think about someone seeing, but only being able to understand 10% of their vision, and the rest of it being nonsense, or hearing, but hearing things on the wrong side of their head, or tasting, but the food not feeling hot when its burning their mouth... its just wrong data, it being all jumbled up.

Improper sensory information also leads to movement disorders. The body not being able to do what the brain tells it to do can lead to poor motor control, inability to plan out actions, or poor muscle tone and poor balance. The body's sensory system not being able to communicate with itself, makes the body struggle with movement.

Awkward movements, injuring yourself, being unable to ride a bike, being unable to dress yourself without aid, all of these can occur with a motor disorder occurring from a sensory basis rather than any other basis. Choking too frequently on food, having the different body parts not being willing to work together when trying to do a task, again, things which occur.

Sensory Processing Disorder has all of these different components. Some people have one, a modulation disorder, discrimination disorder, or movement disorder, some have two of the three, others have all three. Again, it can combine in any way. All sorts of combinations come out, including people who have every sort of SPD, all three modulation disorders, discrimination disorder, and a movement disorder. SPD can be quite complex.

Which leads us to the other way we can split it up; there are each of our senses. In grade school we are taught there are five senses. This isn't true. There are actually more than five senses. Touch itself is more than one sense, temperature sensing, and feeling a thing just brushing against your skin both fall into "touch" when initially teaching senses, yet are completely different.

For SPD, we tend to think of 8 senses; the five you learn about in grade school, the vestibular sense, propioception, and interoception. The vestibular sense is your sense of balance and spatial orientation. It's that part of your inner ear that tells you whether you are spinning, as well as if you are falling. Propioception is the sense of your body parts knowing where neighboring body parts are. It's your joints understanding their positions, and your fingers knowing where the other parts of the fingers are and how hard to squeeze to pick something up. Both of these senses, are overlooked when describing the senses, but are used every day for interacting with the world.

Interoception is different in that its the group of sensors that tells you about your internal body. It's knowing how hungry you are, how thirsty you are, when you need to pee. It's understanding swallowing, and vomiting. Any of these senses don't necessarily work right either, the information about your internal organs stretching and contracting doesn't necessarily work any better than the external senses does.

All of these different senses, can have any of these different categories of SPD occur. Any of the senses you're used to, the ones you aren't. Things you don't think of as senses, like temperature sensing, or pain sensing. Lots of different options for very individualized descriptions of how its like for individuals.

Because that's what it is, is a very different disorder for every person who has SPD. No two people have the same symptoms. No two people can be treated the same. Every person has their own individualized needs for their own individualized traits. Two people might both have hypersensitive touch, but even then, we can't assume to treat them the same. Everything is about making people understand their bodies needs, and meet their bodies needs. And having others understand those needs and help not cause problems helps immensely there.

If you care to know the numbers used for "most" or such; They're from Sensational Kids by Lucy Jane Miller Ph.D OTR. This book is a good resource on the subject if you want to read more.

Modulation disorder

• 12% of those with sensory modulation disorder have only hyposensitivity
• 26% have only sensory seeking
• 5% have only hypersensitivity
• 14% have [only] hyposensitivity and seeking
• 15% have [only] hypersensitivity and seeking
• 5% have [only] hypersensitivity and hyposensitivity
• 25% have all three, hypersensitivity, hyposensitivity, and seeking.

(Adds up to >100% due to rounding errors)

All SPD

• 4% of those with SPD have only sensory discrimination disorder
• 4% have only a sensory based movement disorder
• 22% have only a modulation disorder
• 4% have [only] discrimination disorder and a movement disorder
• 16% have [only] a movement disorder and a modulation disorder
• 23% have [only] a modulation disorder and a discrimination disorder
• 27% have all three, a discrimination disorder, movement disorder, and modulation disorder

Weighted Blankets

Weighted blankets are really powerful things. Maybe people have heard of Temple Grandin's squeeze machine (if you haven't, its quite cool), or maybe not, but very frequently deep pressure is something that regulates our sensory systems, and resets our bodies.

For those of us who are hypersensitive, for many of us, deep pressure is the one thing that resets us, or at least is the one that does it best. Our bodies hate most senses, they're attacks on our systems, but deep pressure, instead of being attack, calms us, protects us, and makes us feel safe. One of the things that is quite interesting about deep pressure is that it frequently helps those who are hyposensitive or seeking as well, because in both of those cases, they require increased sensory input, and this provides the increased sensory input. Deep pressure is the only area where all three of the sensory modulation areas seem to agree in enough cases that its worth defaulting to assuming it'll likely work; giving someone deep pressure is more likely than not to help them regulate better.

Deep pressure is the squeezing of strong hugs, the compression of joints when you jump, the weight of lying under a mattress. And this feeling, helps many on the autistic spectrum, with sensory processing disorder, with anxiety disorders, and even without any diagnoses, calm down, think better, sleep better, and generally function better.

For some of us, this is necessary, things that calm our sensory systems are the only way to be able to manage to get through daily life activities. For many on the autistic spectrum, sleep is a huge challenge; the same thing holds here.

So we get back to weighted blankets. Weighted blankets are, as it sounds like, blankets that are weighted instead of just being fabric, while still being functional as a blanket rather than stiff or uncomfortable. Sleeping with these blankets allows those of us who need sensory calming to sleep better; I know of multiple cases of melatonin being stopped after a weighted blanket was used while before it was required for sleep. It also allows our days to function better because we're starting from a more de-escalated state sensory-wise at the beginning of the day. Throughout the day, they can be used as a blanket might, wrapping up on a couch while working. Again, it causes reduction of sensory-overload even before it hits, holding it off or even preventing it if it reduces it enough. If overload, meltdowns, and shutdowns occur, they tend to be shorter if the blanket is provided, because it gives the sensory needs without someone constantly worrying about providing a type of input that can be difficult for people to provide for themselves or others for anything more than a very short period of time.

My weighted blanket is one of the largest coping skills I use. If I go somewhere for a weekend, I deal with carrying around a 24 lb queen size blanket. It's not convenient but its worth it. I frequently can write when I otherwise wouldn't be able to only because of my blanket. It helps me through many overloads. It helps drastically with my sleep. It's a very valuable tool, enough that I'm working on getting another blanket.

The downside of weighted blankets is that most places that sell them are expensive. However, the other option to buying one is making one. What I'd done for mine was make it. If you sew, have a sewing machine and have time free, its not bad to make one, just time consuming

The method I'd used might not be the most efficient at times; but it seems to have generally been a good one. The basic idea is that that you want evenly weighted pockets, all about 4 inches x 4 inches (that's been found to be the right size), that add up to the proper weight. The proper weight will generally be 10%+1 lb of the body weight of the person who will be using the blanket.

Instructions

1. Determine size and weight

   I wanted a blanket that I could both completely wrap around me and would work for two people sleeping. I thus decided I wanted a blanket about 55-60 inches wide. As my boyfriend is 6'4", I decided to make a 80" long blanket. For a 43" wide blanket (twin size) its recommended to use 10% of body-weight + 1 pound. Because this is larger, I'll use an increased weight, probably about 23 pounds instead of 15 pounds.

2. Gather equipment

   In order to make this blanket it required I borrowed things such as a sewing machine. Necessary equipment includes

   • Sewing machine
   • Measuring tape, pins and other sewing supplies
   • Kitchen scale for measuring weights
   • Butter knife
   • Funnel (can just be paper)
   • 2 cups for measuring plastic in and pouring into that first cup.
   • Tweezers or pliers
3. Gather supplies

   In order to make my blanket, I needed to gather up supplies to make it out of, including trying to minimize prices. Optimal design seemed to include having four layers of fabric, to increase durability, the outer shell being removable for easier cleaning, and weighting with poly-pellets.

   • Poly Pellets for weight

     Online research suggests that poly pellets tend to work best if you don't mind the increased bulk in using plastic. This wasn't an issue for me and durability matters much more to me than how bulky it is anyways. You can get poly pellets at craft stores. If you care about price, don't. You can get it drastically cheaper on ebay. I ordered 30 pounds of plastic in two 15 pound increments for $2/lb shipped.

     Some people suggest using beans, be aware that any food product can get moldy, and has major issues being washed (as dried food products rehydrate when put in water). Either poly pellets or aquarium rocks that you are sure won't hold water if its washed tend to be your best bet for a filling material - poly pellets would be my suggestion, as the increased bulk is actually something that is nice to me, and is not nearly as large as people make it out to be.

   • Fabric

     You want durable and comfortable. If you don't get distracted like me, a duvet cover for it is a good idea, and allows you to only worry about durable for what you are building the pellets into. If you don't want to, or expect to, manage that, then plan on that. I used sheets for my fabric. The convenience of sheets is very high.

4. Measure fabric

   While nominally I had 60" wide fabric, one queen sheet, and two full sheets, truthfully, the 60" fabric was actually 69" wide. This was far more over its nonimal size than I expected, and its relevant to know that now.

5. Wash fabric

   If you prewash fabric then it'll shrink before you make the blanket rather than shrink unevenly after.

6. Cut and hem fabric

   These are large peices of fabric. In order to cut them straight I used the method described here. I found that using a small pair of pilars worked drastically better than tweezers - it was easier to pull straight, and thus I was able to pull out longer strands. Ripping the fabric also works.

7. Sew two peices of fabric on 3 edges, leaving one open for filling.

   Be careful while doing this that your fabric lines up. In my case, it one of the sides wasn't actually straight - I left that side open so I could patch it at the end.

8. Flip the fabric inside out into a giant pillow-case like thing
9. Measure and mark every 4 inches down the sewn bottom
10. Sew columns

    For each column, first measure out and mark a few point on the column to help you keep it straight, then sew using the sewing machine. Because I was filling mine from the side, I had 20 of these.

11. Calculate wight per pocket.

    4"x4" pockets are recommended. Each one of these should have equal weight. Calculate the number of pockets your blanket will have (mine will have 340 pockets), and divide the weight you want by the number of pockets. I'm ending up making about a 25 lb blanket because it is so large, and will put 34 grams of plastic in each pocket.

12. Measure plastic and put it in each row.

    Measure equal weights of plastic and put it in the bottom of each row. Even though you can do it without a funnel, use the funnel, it both increases the speed to mess ratio, and is a useful marker of how far along the row you've gotten.

13. Pin the pockets shut

    Measure 4 inches for the height of the pocket, push all the plastic down (with the butter knife), and pin it shut.

14. Sew along making those pockets

    This is a very slow process. This is also where a butter knife comes in handy. In order to not have the plastic pellets get caught and stop the sewing machine, you need to kepe them out of the way. The best way I found was to go pocket by pocket and use the flat side of a butter knife to push them down into the very bottom for each pocket. When you inevitably get a pellet in the foot of the sewing machine, pick it out with something small - likely the tweezers or piliers you used earlier.

    For the first two or three rows its easier to pass the weighted section through the sewing machine. By the time you're half done its far easier for the weighted section to be supported next to the sewing machine.

15. Repeat steps 12 through 14 for each row.

    If you want to fill the last row you can. Do be aware though, that its far more likely than the other rows to cause a broken needle if you didn't give sufficient room for the seam. I started filling the last row, then broke the needle, and gave up on it.

(btw, for just linking to the instructions and not scrolling down, if you're saving a link or such, click here)

A shower

The water turns on, and you wait for it to heat up while you do your exercises for your ankle. Counting 20 of them. That's how long it takes to get the water to warm, is twenty times onto your toes and back, and doing that helps with your ankle strength. Then you step in.

You were careful to bundle your hair first. That way your hair could stay as dry as possible. But without a good stream of water you have to be careful still. You don't want to let your hair get wet. Then you have to deal with it drying. So you are careful about where you stand, and where the shower head points trying to be as careful as possible.

Lots of little beads of water, hitting your skin. You feel every one of them. They're very uneven. You're very aware of every bit of how uneven the temperature of your skin is too. It's not comfortable. The shower pressure knob has fallen down again, and you turn it up. It's not as bad at full pressure, there are more little beads of water now. It's less uneven. It doesn't feel so wrong.

Even closed the shampoo bottles are noticeable, and the smell is getting to you, especially combined with the heat. If you turned the heat down, your entire body would be in pain, both in terms of muscles tensing into spasms, and in terms of the beads feeling like little knives cutting into your skin. So instead, you let your head rest against the side of the shower, as you become more light headed, the smell overtaking you, making you more and more nauseous and your head start to pound.

But, you need to get clean. So, you force yourself up, and put some of the body wash in your hand. This is another place you're careful, only getting the hypoallergenic stuff. Other things the smells stick around afterwards, and the feeling of the shower that lasts after is increased. But, you wash yourself, as quickly as you can, carefully holding yourself up. You need to be careful that you're fast, but at the same time, you need to be careful not to fall over with the nausea, lightheadedness, and vertigo, that has set in. Rinse. The pressure is more noticeable the longer you're in here. You need to get out, but if you're not clean the entire thing has been a waste. You're almost done. Make sure to get through it. Face, okay, clean your face. Because washing your face in the sink is even harder than this. Any water from the shower falling on your face feels like an attack, so carefully control it with your hands. Get your face wet, wash your face with something carefully unscented. Go to rinse, and accidentally put your face in the stream, it hurts, it feels like your eyes are being attacked. It's okay, it's okay. Make sure your hands are rinsed, and splash your face with your hands, over and over and over again. And after your are sure its clean of any of the soap-stuff another three time. Eyes still won't open because they don't trust it. Just carefully clear the eyes with water and your hands, show them its okay. Open your eyes. It's fine.

By this time you're wobbling, you don't trust yourself to stand. Are you clean yet? Finish quickly if not. Get out as fast as you can. Grab your robe and put it on. Trying to actively dry would be like ripping your skin off, so instead you have to make due with drying with a robe and time.

Go to walk upstairs, but now you've lost the ability to see. It's been too much. You managed to get out without jumping out in order to vomit this time. That's not always been the case. But that doesn't mean you got out without other...challenges? Okay, you want to get up to your bed, because you feel like you're going to vomit, you can barely understand what ground is, and now you can't see. So...feel around in front of you, you know your house. Find the railing to the stairs. Hold careful as you walk up the stairs. The railing changes most of the way up the stairs. Try to figure out how to deal, and just crawl the way up the stairs then. You make it. Get back up, and feel the way to your room. Find your bed, and fall onto it. Head pounding, you feel safe now.

You have somewhere you can just dry now. You can wait it out. You can let your head stop spinning, and stop pounding and go back to normal. You can let your stomach calm down. You can let your sight return to normal. Pull your blanket over you, despite the risk of it getting wet. Now, its just the time to get over all of this. Now its just recovery.

Vision comes back reasonably quickly. The others, take a while. If you try to rush drying then it feels like you're attacking yourself. If you try to get dressed before you're done drying, then your clothes don't stop attacking you even after you're done drying. But its better within the hour.

Except, there are still aftermaths. Your skin still feels wrong. It feels almost disconnected and overconnected at the same time. It feels too rough. Every touch that is made you feel for so long after its made that you don't even realize when its stops because it just keeps going and going and going. And its not pleasant touch, its that creepy crawly this is a bug crawling on your skin and its wrong, except multiplied. It's the feeling the bad part of tickling with out any of the parts that make you laugh, and it doesn't stop, it just keeps going and going and going, no matter what is touched. And then there's pain, pain from touching simple objects. Pain from touching something as simple as paper. Discomfort from touching the air. The only way to keep is under control at all is constant motion. Then those pains and discomforts and the creepy crawlies of every last hair, and cloth, and misguided object, and thing you bumped into, are overwhelmed to some degree.

Things aren't always easy. But, its what's needed.

The relationship between chronic pain and abnormal sensory processing

People don't often understand chronic pain - they think they do, they've dealt with pain, but generalizing from an ache and pain here or a headache there to pain being a constant part of your life, that it partially shapes your life. This pain isn't just there, its constantly there, and its not only constantly there, its what determines what life you're living.

The thing about this pain - this pain that is constantly there - or at least one thing, is that you can't stop for it. One of the privileges of not having chronic pain is the ability to stop because of pain, and it being the proper thing to do. When you don't have chronic pain, its not only acceptable, it is appropriate and right to stop when you've pushed yourself so far that you're hurting. It is wrong to keep going when you've caused pain when you can set it aside and finish it tomorrow, unless its extreme circumstances.

When there's chronic pain, you don't have this luxury. You don't have the option of stopping because of pain. You don't have the option of saying it hurts today I'll do this tomorrow, because it hurts tomorrow too, and the day after that, and so on. There are questions of trying to manage pain, and trying to not overdo it, but pain is no longer an excuse, pain is no longer a reason to stop going today unless the pain will be unmanageable tomorrow, pain is no longer a reason you can say that you can't do something now.

When someone has a bad headache they can take painkillers and say they can't do the grocery shopping today. When someone with chronic pain has to do the grocery shopping, they need to do the shopping. They might rearrange what they are picking up so that they're walking the shortest path, or such that they're not carrying any heavy items, but they still need to eat. Pain is no longer a reason to put off the shopping.

So, when it comes to abnormal sensory processing, the same types of things hold. Except that most people don't ever even get the headaches in the first place. Most people don't even get the equivalents of twinges of pain. They don't need to say that things are too much, they don't need to say they can't cope with things, they don't need to find to ways to cope with things that are going on around them. They never feel pain, except they never get any of the downsides of not feeling pain.

And then there are some people who have to cope with headaches and aches and pains. There are people who if you push them to far, or if they push themselves too far will respond with pain. They will sometimes wake up in pain without a good reason, and will need to react with pain killer equivalents and saying that today they can't do the grocery shopping. We need to be accepting of this. We need to let these people do what they need. These people are the equivalents of people who get headaches in a world of people without pain receptors.

Except, there's a level above that as well. There are the people with chronic pain. There are the people who no longer can say no, I can't do that today. There are the people who have to just keep going even though it hurts, even though the world is at constant war with their body and their body is at constant war with itself. They no longer have the option to say its too much, because its always too much, or that its not enough, because its never enough, or that its not right, because its never right. They always have to fight to make it as best they can, and as best they can is always still pain, and always still more than most people deal with, or can ever imagine dealing with.

These things affect people, and the lack of understand can too. Treating people right matters a whole lot. Remember that people can't always say no. Remember that not saying no doesn't make it easy. Remember that these people who are saying that their bodies are processing things differently mean it - when they're saying that it hurts and they can't take it today that they mean it, and remember that those of us who no longer can say that and who have to just try to grin it and bear it and the chronic pain it causes have to do that too. Please.

But what about those florescent lights?

I was going to make my post on time this year, I really was. But then things came up that were more important than writing a blog post. And now again, I vary between writing thousands of words because someone mentioned a topic that I wanted to reply to because they were wrong and not being able to pull up what I was going to write about on here. But, despite all that I'm going to write a post, even if its two days late, and even if there's a lot going on, and even if I don't remember what I was going to write about because so much is going on. And I'm going to make it meaningful.

Right now, what's meaningful to me and easy to talk about, sensory issues, so that is what I'll write about.

I don't hide from people that I'm on the spectrum and that I have bad sensory issues. It'd be rather hard to hide the sensory issues wearing blue glasses around, but still some people do overlook them and say that you can't notice. I question them sometimes, if I'm sitting sideways in a chair, wearing blue glasses, and stimming, but apparently this isn't enough to be visible sometimes.

Sensory issues can be invisible. Even more than other parts of autism. Social issues are visible if you're interacting with people. Communication issues, the same. Issues with change aren't immediately visible, but generally come up quickly, and are understood to be part of autism. Same with the other parts of RRBs. And well, stimming is usually visible, though apparently sometimes overlooked.

Sensory issues, when they're hypersensitivities at least (which within the HFA crowd seem to be the most common based on my experiences, though in SPD, hypersensitivities are actually less common than either hyposensitivities or seeking behaviors), are generally very internalized. The person reacts strongly, feels pain, doesn't process things properly, but doesn't show others very much. They don't scream out every time a florescent light turns on, but that doesn't change that the florescent light has an effect on them. It's an invisible reaction. Because others don't know. And others don't expect the environment could effect people so much.

Which leads to sensory issues being overlooked. We talk about communication. We talk about change. We talk about how many people are murdered by family members for being different. But, what about that simple florescent light?

Just for me? I hear those lights. They hurt. They feel like they're stabbing my brain with high frequency buzzing. They make me want to rip my ears off because it would hurt less than listening, and they jam my brain, because I have to listen through the buzzing. And try to concentrate through it. Eventually the buzzing might give me a migraine. A sudden noise of the sort might have other reactions, but lights are these constant offenders, like someone taking the static, turning it high frequency, putting it in headphones, and making you walk around wearing it so you're the only one who can hear it.

And then of course there's the vision part. They flicker. I don't know who gave people the idea that the flicker isn't visible to the human eye because its definitely visible. And both the flicker and the buzzing get worse as they age. A constant distraction of a fan flapping in front of your face, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, because its flicker flicker flickering. And again, people deny it, because they don't see it. And because its so fast, again, not only is it distracting, its a slow buildup of too much getting too pain. Someone flicking lights on and off is irritating. Now, have that happen always in the room. It's normal. The eyes or the processing behind the eyes or something has to compensate though, and it doesn't so much like doing so (to put it not very scientifically), and eventually the eyes are tired, and hurt and tired, and the headache sets in.

And trying to process things with these - apparently my communication skills drop significantly as soon as you turn on a florescent light, and come back when you turn it off. Other sorts of processing is harder to test, but it generally gets messed up.

I know others who are more messed up by the lights. And others who are less messed up by the lights. I have other visual processing issues (headlights are one of my biggest ones), and many others in other senses. But, we don't need to look at dealing with everyone always. We have to look at doing what we can to make things better, when we can and how we can.

When that means in my bedroom, giving me LEDs, for when I can't use natural sunlight, that's a thing, because that's something that helps. And that's a thing that is worth mentioning even though it doesn't fix every visual processing issue I have, not to mention every sensory issue I have.

When that means, getting places to at least replace the bulbs earlier if they have to use florescents - that'd be a huge step.

But, right now, as I walk around, I'm in a way showing people that this matters, and when it comes up I explain. I'm wearing my tinted lenses, for myself, but doing it for myself is being open. And sometimes being open is enough to be saying a lot. Just wearing my lenses is enough for someone to say, why are there blue lenses? And that itself, is communicating to them about me, about autism, and about the importance of actually taking care of our sensory issues.

Noise

Reading, wanting to communicate, struggling to get ideas out. Okay, I'll sit down and write. I can do this now. It's a way to get ideas out. I can explain how I feel and how I live.

Right, I have stuff to do on this topic. That's a specific thing to do. Explaining about how life is harsh, and you can't just always focus on how you cope, because if you do that then you deny what people deal with.

Writing. Starting to get in the right mode. I can do this. It's starting to work. I've been stuck not managing to do this for months, but its starting to work now.

Type type. type type. type type.

People coming up and trying get me to do other stuff, interrupting all my thoughts. Losing it. Losing it all again. Don't want to lose it.

Please, let me keep the right mindset. Please. Wrapping up. Curling up. Smaller, smaller. Pulling in.

Walking away, realizing they were interrupting me, maybe kept it, back to trying. Writing quick ideas down to remember thoughts.

RING RING

Stupid phone.

SQUAWK

Too much noise.

Talking. So much talking. Squawking. Squawk squawk. Thoughts are running away. They're leaving.

Getting harder to string ideas together. Can communicate well enough to make people think I'm functioning, but mentally I'm lost. Anything I want to do is gone.

All the noises. Too many noises.

Clenching up. Don't want to hear it all.

Feel like I'm going to burst.

Want to just manage to do something effective. Why can't I be effective?

Bark bark bark bark

Even more. Why more?

Holding head. Typing. More headache.

Questions? I'm supposed to answer questions? Right, yes I can do that.

I'm going to just hide now. Maybe the noise will stop eventually.

Rock rock. rock rock

Tinted Lenses and Irlen Syndrome

I've had so many posts I've been wanting to make and have been not managing to get the words down. However, this post is a straightforward one.

At some point last year through some of the Sensory Processing Disorder people I heard of people using tinted lenses. Some of them also mentioned Irlen Syndrome, and we were going through the self-tests and commenting about how many of the criteria on the self-tests we meet. I meet almost all of them for headaches or light sensitivity, and in the long form, more than 3 in some of the other sections as well.

There is an Irlen center somewhat local to me, and I contacted them asking costs for everything over the summer. They gave me costs (which I don't remember the numbers of), and mentioned that November 1st they were going to be training people as Irlen screeners, and that if I wanted to be a person used as an example for them to learn on, then I could be screened for free.

So, November 1st I was screened for Irlen Syndrome. The screening process was quite interesting. I ended up in major overload and not being able to function for multiple days after it because of how much sensory overload I was in because of it though. They were nice and skipped over some sections when they wouldn't give them any information (i.e. We know she reacts poorly to florescent lights if she has such strong self reports and reports that from her occupational therapist so strongly, lets not test it here in order to try to not put her in overload as long as possible). Lots of what they did was purposefully putting visually difficult patterns and having me look at them and trying to cause visual distortions to come up - such as a penguin made up of Xs, or a drawing of a cube split unevenly.

My screening came back as expected saying that yes I did have Irlen Syndrome, so they then went and figured out what overlay color would help me. We went through different overlays and combinations of overlays until we figured out that aqua + aqua + grey was what would help me the most so they sent me home with that combination.

They agreed that tinted lenses would be really helpful to me - that they'd do far more for me than overlay would, so it was then a question of getting to tinted lenses. Going through the Irlen Center would cost money, we could do it cheaper than that...

You can dye polycarbonate (and other plastics) with synthetic fabric dyes. So we bought Blue and black dyes) and set out trying to get frames. Ended up trying to get rimless frames because we could try to do more ourselves with rimless frames, but we kept messing up trying to make lenses.

Last Tuesday we managed to dye a piece of plastic to the color of blue that I wanted my lenses to be dyed to. Later in the week we went to the optometrist, got other frames (thus if you try this route, don't go rimless they can't use rimless with tinted matching always), gave them the match, and told me I'd get my lenses Monday or Tuesday.

Yesterday at 2 pm (after I wrote most of this up actually) I picked them up! They still need adjusted for fit a bit, because I want them to be crooked in a particular manner to make them crooked with my face. It shouldn't be a hard adjustment now that I figured out what I want (I wasn't managing to explain there what I was wanting so we got them to comfortable and visibly level, and considered that good, now I've figured out what I was wanting).

Jonored is looking at possibly making blinders for the side if I have issues with peripheral vision and them, a few different possible materials have been looked at. I really like the idea of removable blinders, but I don't want to add on to his projects if he doesn't have time, so its currently an "if it becomes necessary, and let him think about how he wants to do it" thing. It'll probably happen though.

Anyways, I've definitely noticed they've helped. I'm going to after a while of wearing them go through and figure out in what areas are they helping. So far I know they're helping with florescent lights at least to some degree in particular and overall helping.

Sensory issues, or some of what it takes to walk down a city street

Walking down the street, you likely notice that cars are going by, the smells of the restaurants, the smell of cigarette smoke from the people smoking on the side walk. You likely see lights at things like crosswalks and on the cars. You likely are somewhat aware of what you're walking on. But its generally simple. There are things you like and things you don't like, and you will go towards things you prefer and away from things you prefer to avoid. When you can't avoid it, you'll likely be unhappy, but it won't be a big deal, you can get away soon enough. Things tend to be noticeable, but don't rule your life.

At least, this is what people tell me. Their descriptions vary, but generally it comes down to, there is a norm for sensory input, that involves all senses functioning, senses regulated, and the sensory input not needing to be the focus of something as simple as walking down the street.

I say "this is what people tell me", because this isn't what life is to me. This isn't what walking down the street is to me. I actually can't even imagine it. I can't imagine that little input noticed; I can't imagine things affecting me that little; I can't imagine it being that simple.

People notice the cars, the sirens when they go by, the noise of everyday city life. However, I don't just notice these. They completely overwhelm me. An ambulance going by will, at times, literally freeze me in my tracks. A car revving or a loud motorcycle will do the same. In order to keep walking, in order to not just get so overwhelmed I can't function, I'll dig my fingernails into my palms. I'll fidget with things, clench my hands, start signing things I want to say to people when I get to where I'm going. I'll wear earplugs (though not always, because they itch in my ears). When breaks screech its an attack on my ears. It physically hurts. My muscles tense up, headaches are worse, it just hurts. When I get to where I'm going I'm still on edge from the constant bombardment that is city life, and that's just the sounds.

The smells, those are so much worse. People who know me at all know this one at least. Those smells that are offensive to others are migraine triggers to me. Those smells that others dislike, I'm fighting to keep from vomiting from. Those smells that others don't even notice, they do the same. Walking down the street, you smell cigarette smoke as you pass someone smoking, but apparently most people don't smell it when they're half a block downwind from anyone smoking. I struggle to have people realize that my reactions aren't just psychosomatic, as they don't realize anyone can smell things the way I do. And the smells, they're too much too. The headaches, the nausea, the attempting to breath properly, that's normal. That's everyday. Being looked at strangely for wearing a mask when I'm walking down Main Street, or waiting for a bus; having parents pull their children away from me; having people randomly take pictures of me because they're not used to someone wearing a cloak and face mask walking around downtown - those vary in frequency, but only the random photograph is something that was so infrequent as to phase me. And that mask that people treat me differently when I'm wearing, its amazing. It lets me walk all the way to city hall without starting to get a migraine (though not all the way to the library across the park). It's amazing to have a full 15 minutes of walking down Main Street without beginning to develop a migraine. That's three times as long as I normally would get without the mask, and that's huge. People realize that dumpsters smell bad, and that sometimes people smell bad, and that tends to be something they understand can trigger the nausea, but walking quickly or on the other side of the street is (apparently) usually enough. The strange looks, the constant fighting of headaches, the planning my schedules around the smells, actively avoiding some buses and never going on those routes, planning when I walk and when I bus based off of how many people are riding vs walking vs taking smoke breaks, that's my life.

And those lights, those lights people see, those can be blinding. Those can make me unable to process what's around me until I've regained the ability to process. Those can make me, and often do make me, disassociate. All of the light, the sun, the headlights, the streetlights, everything, can make it so I can't even process the "walk" sign, especially when I'm being overloaded in other senses. Luckily I can function from 'don't walk when its orange' or 'walk when the sounds meant for blind people are chirping', but it still comes down to not being able to visually process certain details at times. When I say that I don't think it'll ever be safe for me to drive, people tend to underestimate what I'm saying. Walking down the street at night, if I was not terrified of cars, would likely be unsafe. People's descriptions of being blinded by the high beams on a car confuse me a lot. I don't understand what they mean by those being high beams, the lightest low beams are like that. What do they mean that the low beams give them light and the high beams are blinding? And that's before the disassociation. If its night time, I can rarely even walk home from the grocery store a quarter mile away without disassociating. It's like I split into multiple parts, and can't do more than execute the program of "walk home avoiding cars". I'm glad that other people on the sidewalk notice people, because I've almost walked into people often in this state (and only notice it after the fact). I already need to plan when I'm going to the grocery store around the smells, and now that we're adding lights in, walking home once its dark gets overwhelming. And yet, that's the easy option. For me its easier to deal with regular disassociation, to find ways to work around the fact that the lights are so bright that it hurts, that I can't see properly, and that I can't even be all together, than it is to deal with everything else if I avoided that. It'd be even easier to avoid the grocery store, but I need to eat somehow.

Now add on to all those sounds and smells and sights that you notice, noticing all those details (except, ironically, those that people expect you to notice on people.) That's not just a hand telling you to not walk, that's a lot of little lights, and they're not all working, some are out. The post is rusting and the trees behind it aren't just trees, they're full of leaves, which aren't all the same colors even within a leaf. And those disgusting smells, they're not just one smell, there are all these parts of various types of trash and various types of decomposition. And every little bump on the sidewalk is there, the new trash that you feel terrible walking by after people have thrown out of their vehicles, the dead animals at the side of the road. It's all there. You see it all, you hear it all, you smell it all. You don't see only a road scene, you see everything in that, and process it all.

And that's just being on the street. Not even walking yet. Because once you get to walking there's movement of your body. And because that body doesn't process everything normally, there's stumbling and being generally clumsy. I've mentioned before sensory issues to some degree, and mentioned this then. But that's not always acceptable. Sometimes people are expected to wear things other than shoes with toes (for some strange reason), and because trying to get a job is more important than a sprained ankle, shoes for interviews go ahead and cause walking down the street to cause sudden twisting of an ankle because of not being able to feel what's going on underfoot. I'm still dealing with my ankle being in pain after last Friday, and I've not even gotten to interview with anyone, just had to wear the silly shoes to prove to people I could dress professionally.

The sights, the smells, the sounds of the street. Walking and having to deal with processing information and not hurting yourself. If you ignore the weather, and assume everything on you is comfortable, despite even "comfortable" clothing being too much at times, then for the 5 senses people normally think of you can get from point A to point B (as taste is not very relevant for walking down a street).

But that's only the start of this. That's only the start of having unusual sensory processing in the ways that I do. Because that suggests once you're off the street that things are easier. That suggests that the vestibular and propioceptive senses don't exist. That suggests that only hypersensitivities exist, not hyposensitivities, not seeking this input to regulate oneself, not difficulty planning motor actions, or difficulty discriminating between different sensory inputs. That suggests that input can be dealt with and ignores it being overwhelming, breaking all ability to function, even after its gone. That suggests that removing input is all that's needed and ignores that even once the input is removed the recovery still takes time, and during all of that time there's extreme sensitivity to everything else, including non-sensory. Not to mention, while it certainly does a lot and certainly more is removable than people immediately think of, there's only so much input you can remove and still be able to get to a doctor when you need to and when you can't drive.

And this is my life. This constant overload. This constant bombardment of sensory inputs attacking me from all sides. My body not knowing how to habituate to anything going on, so hearing every tick that clock makes that others tune out. My body hyper-tasting and yet still craving strong foods (but only some, only my choice). My body having poor sense of where its joints are, and not being able to walk straight without vision. My mouth still at times having a hard time pronouncing words that I should know how to do, and my hands having such a horrible time at video games that people make drinking games over watching people like me play them. My body dealing with everything until it can't take any more, and it shuts down, doesn't let me speak, doesn't let me move, doesn't let me even get away from known migraine triggers at times. Or instead, losing control of my mind and snapping at people and sobbing, because the fire alarm has been beeping for a new battery longer than I can take.

Not only is this my life, this has always been my life, I didn't know some of this was abnormal until this past year, and this will likely always be my life, because while therapy helps and new coping mechanisms help, how I perceive the world is just different than normal people see it.

Simply dealing with what's around you, even ignoring the people, is so much, that I can't understand how people are surprised when a child throws themself to the ground screaming, unable to cope. Simply dealing with everything is so much, that I can't expect how people overlook it all. Simply dealing with everything is so much that I have no clue what its like for it to be simple.

They say it is. But its not for me.

Shoes with toes (and sensory requirements)

Vibram five fingers, and other minimalist footware have started to get common enough that a decent percentage of people know about shoes with toes existing, but few people I've talked to know why people use them (except that they're popular for running). When people see mine they often question how I like them if they've heard of them before, or look strangely at my feet in confusion.

I've warn five fingers almost exclusively since Christmas of last year when I got my first pair. In this period of time the only time I got close to hurting myself while walking was while I was wearing boots. Even walking on ice, if I slipped with these shoes, I was able to react without risking hurting myself at all, despite these having what people view as a sole that isn't grippy enough.

The reason is simple, these shoes let me feel the ground through them. Normal shoes, I'm walking on a platform that isn't actually on the ground and have no way of knowing what is going on under my feet through touch. I'd recommend these shoes to people in general for this reason, but would do so even stronger for people who, like me, need to put effort into managing sensory integration.

ASDs, do tend to come with sensory "issues" - hypersensitivity, hyposensitivity, integration issues, or so on. Beyond that, I also identify with SPD (despite not having been diagnosed with that) - Sensory Processing Disorder. For people with both an ASD and SPD the borderline between the two is incredibly blurred. Both ASDs and SPD however cause people to have different sensory requirements than the norm; hyposensitive or hypersensitive, and avoiding or seeking input, the requirements are different.

Personally, I'd consider myself hypersensitive (without question) and seeking (though I avoid things that are headache triggers). Despite hypertasting, spicy food is something I eat rather than avoid; despite hypersmelling, I'll use something that's 50% peppermint oil when someone else would use aromatherapy levels; despite hyperfeeling, I want the input of as much detail of what's under my feet as possible.