Alexithymia

"How are you?" That dreaded question that starts too many social situations.

Or having gotten into discussions. "How do you feel about that?" or worded less formally "What do you think about this?"

I don't know. Stop expecting an answer. It's all jumbled up inside and the questions don't help. No matter how many times you ask these questions it won't make me have any more of a clue about what is going on.

Lack of a clue, that's what it's like. Things that make no sense. Things that have no need to be discussed, and trying to discuss them makes it more complicated, tries to make words where they shouldn't be, because while the ideas exist, we just communicate them by being, not by speaking. Speaking is this unnecessary confusing layer on top of how it makes sense to be. Words are this layer that are just trying to force communication in ways that are unnatural.

So instead, it's just both empty and jumbled at the same time. I don't know. I have no clue. There's nothing there. It's a void that pulls things in and takes over when I try to think about it. And at the same time its a pile of too many things, that make it impossible to sort through, because every time you sort through a few, that part falls back into the pile.

So it ends up with trying to figure out "How am I?" when "How am I?" is too confusing to answer even to myself.