I've been wanting to write my autism positivity post, and known the topic I want to write about, but can't find the words to get started. Organization of thoughts, word finding, none of it is working when I request it, it happens on its own time. I attempt, one time, another, and yet again, to write, putting words down, and none of the sound right.
But, why do I have to do it this way? Instead on my day off work in the middle of the week (an incredibly useful coping strategy), I bring my laptop over to my swing, and set up around me for what might be a better way for me. Taking care of my sensory needs first.
I want to share about who I am, what I do, but instead, I need to take care of myself. Self-care comes first. Trying to focus on others cannot come at the cost of myself. I need to remind myself that. I need to remember, that as much as I want to help others with recognizing what they can do, I need to let myself be capable of these things, I need to let myself take the time to spend on my recharging.
I need to remember that it isn't just denying who we are that is a problem, it is denying ourselves help for any reason that is a problem. Denying ourselves help because we refuse to get something abnormal is common, but denying ourselves help because we don't want to cause the "problems" for others is similarly one.
We need to let ourselves stop and rest. We need to let ourselves call in sick. We need to let ourselves fight through accommodation processes no matter how much they try to say it'll cause them problems to do things which won't cost them a thing. We need to even go so far as stop and say "no, I can't do this job" and quit if our bodies demand it.
We need to do self-care, even when other things seem to come first, whether it is activism, or teaching, or simply the latest video game. Because those aren't what come first, we are. I need to put myself first, and take care of myself, even when others don't want me to, even when I have other things I want to do, even when I feel like I'm wasting time that I could be getting so much done in.
Self-care is necessary, it just takes reminders sometimes.