Thursday, May 28, 2015

It's my body, my senses

It's my body. I know it best. You can't tell me how I feel, what I feel. You can't tell me what my experiences are.

You can't say "its not that bad" when you have no clue what it is like for me. Trying to tell me how I can't truly feel my body spinning out of control because of such small bits of movement. You can't tell me I'm making it up, seeking attention, not truly dealing with anything, because you can't understand.

It's my body. I know what its like. I feel my head spinning. I feel the nausea setting in. You might not understand, but my body, my experiences, tell me that this happens, and its mine to say what is happening to me.

Nor can you say "you don't seek things", just because you've actually recognized now that my senses might actually be hypersensitive! Just because I sense things strongly doesn't mean I cannot crave, even if you do not know what it is like to do either and are going from a book. I know what I do, and denying what I do to fit me into your picture denies reality.

It's my body. It's not yours. You aren't the one choosing what I am eating, how I am eating it; how I am moving; what happens through my skin. You aren't the one figuring out how to live in the world, by avoiding and seeking, sorting out and adapting, and eventually determining that there are labels for these things.

When I take ghost pepper extract and drop a drop on my tongue and then follow it up with peppermint oil - will you say I will not seek anything? Because you want me to fit your stereotypes? When I can't string words together until I sit in a swing, am I making it up?

No, it is my body, and I can tell you my perceptions. I might not have the best descriptions. I might not know all the proper words, but you can't tell me that things are not happening to me that are happening to me. I'm the one who gets to say what I perceive, even if you help put labels on what that means.

1 comment:

  1. THANK YOU soooo much for this!! Finally someone is able to put into words how I feel when dealing with SPD & other people. When people push at me to put myself in situations I'd rather not suffer the torture of, I feel guilty & think maybe it is just in my head and I should make the choice to force myself. So, reading your blog and posts like this are incredibly validating to me. I don't get to choose how this "thing" works or when it's bearable, so there! ���� Keep up all the good work, I look forward to it ��