Tuesday, April 14, 2015


No matter how many questions are answered, there are more waiting, questioning. No matter how many questions are asked, there are more out there to be found.

No matter how far you search, reaching farther, journeying longer, is always a possibility.

And that is the journey of our lives.

Our lives of questions, answers, solutions, and challenges; ways to cope, and never being enough, but always questing for further solutions, further answers, further skills to aide. Our lives of asking ourselves what we are doing, and how we are doing it, finding new ways, and doing it.

My life is a life of questions. Everyone's is, but mine I see a list of questions with every action I take. How far can I push myself? What are the things I need with me now to protect myself from my neurology? Simply, what do I do?

My life is a life of answers. We all answer questions. We all quest and grow. We all challenge ourselves and come out ahead of where we were.

So my days, I have questions. They are the questions of my days, of what do I do, and how do I do them. They're the questions making me choose how I act. How do I get through a school when I don't know where I am? How do I teach when I can't see more than a square foot at a time? How do I walk when I don't know how to balance? How do I prepare when I don't know what symptoms will hit? How do I navigate when my body tells me I have choices like being able to step forward or having any sight, but not do both simultaneously? How do I keep hydrated when I end up so heavy that I don't remember how to stand? How do I keep safe, when my motor cortex might stop working?

And then. Then, I answer these questions. I find answers, I don't say I can't. I find ways to navigate a school on memory and touch. I plan what to carry, and organize it carefully. I teach my brain how to stop using vision, so I can use other senses more efficiently, and process with other senses when I need to, giving myself enough tactile input that I know where I am. I teach myself how to use sounds. I practice using other sorts of motion, other parts of the brain, for when I need it, so I'm not trapped in place.

I find answers. I find ways. Because I'm not going to be trapped. I'm going to adapt, I'm going to find a way to succeed. My body might not respond like yours does, but I can answer how I can can do it. They are my questions.

I challenge myself, and constantly, I'm asking more questions, and finding more answers. I'm finding more ways to cope, more ways to adapt, more ways to make myself work better in a world so toxic. And answers lead to more questions, more ways to seek out ways that I might adapt how I interact.

I question. I answer. I seek. I find. I learn. I grow. And more questions come.

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