Taking caring of me my own way

I cannot make the decisions you make. I'm glad you take care of yourself. I'm glad you stop and say that you need to. I need to take care of myself too.

I need to take care of myself my way. I need to take care of myself as the person who if I stopped when you did, I'd not do anything, and that wouldn't be something I could manage either. I need to take care of myself as someone who needs to stop for things you cannot imagine. I need to take care of myself as the person who needs to push myself to the limit every day, both because I need to for my own sake and because my body doesn't give me a choice.

I cannot do things the way you can. I cannot leave everything when I get a migraine. I am glad you do. I will recommend to everyone to do it that way. Do not look down on me for doing differently. Do not tell me that my stuff is less severe. Do not tell me that what I'm dealing with isn't really a migraine, or isn't really a challenge, or isn't really "bad". I need to do it this way. This is my way.

I am glad you have the choice of doing something different. I am glad you can leave when every migraine hits. I am glad you can take care of yourself and protect yourself. I do not have the luxury of both leaving and facing the world. I would rather face the world. I would rather push myself to my limit. I would rather roll around a building in a rolly chair unable to stand; I would rather type in an AAC app on my phone; I would rather use a long cane; I'd rather find weird ways of doing something that people don't think of than leave and not let myself manage what I am capable of. That is my way of dealing. It is my appropriate way.

I cannot do everything your way. I cannot take days off work every time I deal with the pain of a pinched nerve. I cannot use ibuprofen to deal. I apply peppermint and cope. It doesn't mean I'm not in pain because I am managing. It is my way. I am glad you choose your way. Your way is better for you. Because I can manage, does not mean you can or should. You should do what is appropriate for you. You also should not minimize what I deal with.

I cannot do things your way. I cannot buy a car and drive myself home from work no matter how many times I'm told I should. It would not be safe. I cannot simply organize all the things to get myself a meal amidst all the noises of a home. I need to take care of myself in my own ways, in all of what that means.

My communication is different; my sensing is different; my pain is different. My need to push through is different. My need to find alternative ways to find a way in a world. So I do it. This doesn't mean I think you need to. It doesn't mean I'm dealing with nothing either.

I'm glad you can step away when its too much. My "too much" has to be different, though. I need to find ways. I need to do things oddly, and I need to say, what's good for you isn't good for me, and what's good for me isn't good for you.

I need to take care of myself, and do things my way, whatever that might entail.